Humberton Guard Guild Website

Another story began, but where would it lead, and why would we ever want to follow it there?

"Good god!", said Pete, "How on earth did that happen?", as he looked out of his bedroom window to see

a large peice of cheese

squashed beneath the monstrous green leg of a mutant Dinosaur.

"How on earth did that get there?", he gasped, rubbing his eyes to make sure he's awake.

"Well" said his best mate Jacob who had just walked in the door, "It was like this."

Yesterday at the party, I met this really REALLY hot chick.
After fooling around for a bit, she turned to me and said 'Pok pok pôk petôk'.

I was so suprised that I fell off the bed and fractured my fibia. On the way to the emergency room we had to stop off for

some cash from the ATM, since the hostpital served people on a cash up front only basis. This was due to the high profile case where....

cigarettes as I'd ran out... and DAMN did I need nicotine.
That and the girl explained to me that 'Pok pok pôk petôk' whilst sounding like chicken noises is actually Martian for "I need cigarettes".

So, despite the pain in my arm (which was slowly numbing anyway, what's a bit of pain to Jacob eh?) we parked outside the 24-hour garage shop and approached the kiosk.

Edit: nerf wardy - but my reply wins on wordiness

What a dilemma ! I mean .... do Marians some L&M Light ? Menthe ? And what will they do when you bring em the wrong brand. Surely you have heard the wild stories of sexual transmutations no ?

edit : nerf fing too btw

I walked inside and aproched the counter. It was only then that i noticed that the bloke behind the counter was none other then my long lost brother Gary. We had last seen each other when we had had a fight over who was gonna be best man at our mothers 5th wedding.

Despit the fact that my arm was starting to turn an uncomfortable shade of green, we decided to go for a drink down at the local. On our way there we came across a large migrating herd of cheese and decided

to palm off the martian on the chesse and make good our escape to the pub. Once there i ordered two pints of Stella and 2 large whisky chasers. We then sat down at a table near the pool table.

After watching the local pool shark do his thing, we saw an opportunity to make a bit of money (hell, we're better than that!). We challenged the pool shark to a best of 5. After 3 losses (All strategic may I add) we decided we didnt want to play any more. I ducked and norrowly avoided the pool cue aimed at my head by the shark and figured it was time for my brother and I to make our way to the exit. Unfortunately niether of us had seen the cheese

Becouse the cheese had ran away thinking the poolshark would eat him! so we didnt know what to do so then...

i had what turned out to be the best plan i have every had. Just when the pool shark was about to deposit the cue in my rectrum, i turned round and shouted at the top of my voice, "Pok pok pôk petôk".

...and surprisingly, saying these words, made the shark turn into a big giant toad! So I said some other words "buff me" and then....

out of the blue, a women apeared dressed in chain armour, with a hammer and shield. I looked at her in wonder and she said, "i will do base buffs my friend will do spec."

AT that moment something got bumped. so we went to the Batcave where Alfred was preparing...

to remove his trousers because

He wanted everyone to know that the butler did it. "Whats that Flipper" said little Jimmy "theres been a collapse in the old mine, and Bracken's favorite goat has been trapped."

"My god that was a long pause in the story", thought the innocent bystander.

Although many suspected the bystander to be somewhat less than innocent as it was well known they had been praying for continuity all this time. Caught by surprise with his trousers round his ankle he..

wondered why he was wearing both trousers and a kilt. Shrugging nonchalantly he retrieved his trousers from the ground and sauntered off into the forest.

Meanwhile, back in...

...Pete's bedroom, he'd got bored with the large piece of cheese, which had now been spotted and greedily devoured by the mutant dinosaur. In fact his attention had now been drawn to...

the leprechaun sittin on his knee.....

Who looked somewhat like Gary Glitter.....

"wtf are you doing on my knee????"....uttered Pete whilst batting the Gary Glitter'esque leprachaun to the floor...

The leprechaun-that-somewhat-resembled-Gary Glitter stood up, brushed himself off and turned round very slowly.

"I really don't think....

"you should have done that" as the leprechaun leapt.....

towards his backpack which contained a set of ...